i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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