Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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