Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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