dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
