In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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