I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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