no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
