Yo dont text me then not text me
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
