i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Randomize
