She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
