It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
