SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
