Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
