Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
