Have you finally orgasmed yet?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
