sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
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