did you get engaged???
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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