That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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