apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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