If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
