i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
