I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
