He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
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I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
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The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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