wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
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Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
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I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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