Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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