you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
Randomize