are you so shy because you have an std?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
