Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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