You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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