Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
