I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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