Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
