No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
