The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
