whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
