Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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