I hate your face
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
