i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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