He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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