I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
