I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
