Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
