You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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