dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
