were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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