were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
