i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
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Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
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How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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