What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
