she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
