but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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