I bet he comes in French.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
