It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
why do cheetos always look like penises
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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