How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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