Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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