Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
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