Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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