Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
