I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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