I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
