I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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