is your mom at the bar?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
