why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
