Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize