I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
