Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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