im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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