there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
