Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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